Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize