Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
