I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Omg I joined a choir last night...
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
