Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Randomize
