turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
