So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
