i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
