He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Randomize
