Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
