i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
