i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
