Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
