Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
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