i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
did i walk over a car last night?
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
