i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize
