I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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