he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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