Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
