Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Randomize
