keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
