I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
