I'm lost and stupid without you.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
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