where does the pee come out of this thing
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
