i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
