This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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