The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
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