I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
