what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
