i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
