Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
