This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
