Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
