Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Randomize
