I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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