I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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