Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
