I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
