Screwed.edu
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
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