it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
You're earring is so big in my mouth
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
