I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
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