I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
