Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
i barfeds in our rink
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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