Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
