my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
