Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
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