I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
