masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
