i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
