I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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