We won't sleep together?
another moral hangover. fuck.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
